Just say that I did admit how I feel about you
say that I said I was interested
I admitted that your mind fascinates me
I acknowledge that your vibrations harmonize with mine
I confessed to constructing conversations just to hear your voice and maybe see you smile
what then
I am too old for you as you are now
it would not be fair to you as I am now
you have so much life to live
so many lessons to learn
on your own
as I did
need to learn
on your own
as I did
without someone tainting it with their own failures
without someone jading it with their own success
without someone crippling you with aged seriousness and subdued patience
what then
We cant date because neither of have any money
lies I tell myself
lies I justify amongst myself
I know you
You’re the type of man that wouldn’t care
we could sit at the bus stop sharing headphones and a chicken wrap
listening to NPR
on our way to go protest
I know you
we could go to the bookstore and discuss
for hours
Kafkaesque minutia and Orwellian grandeur
we could go for long walks and hear
for hours
The Budos band in our chest and step and Fela in our soul and heart
what then
Do you now understand why you deserve better
than poor old me
Do you now understand why I haven’t
why I wont attempt
the beautifully opulent and too young for me
as I am now
that is you
I’ll accept this juvenile awkwardness because it is all that I can have
anything else
anything more
would be selfish
would be unfair
to the vision that is you
© Christopher F. Brown 2014
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